Confusion

Once the cause of laughter, joy and tears
It's his mommy's voice he now hears
begging, "Please stay with me," her cry comes from deep,
"I need you here." She starts to weep.
Looking at her swollen belly,
she pleads,"Don't take him God, I'm just not ready."
She falls to her knees and looks toward the sky
"Why did you choose my babe? Don't you hear my cry?"

God, in reply, spoke to her heart,
"I hear your cry and know more than I can impart,
But that child you hold can no longer stay here
I need him in Heaven and one day my reason will be clear"

She tries to speak to her unborn love
"God wants to take you back above,"
She rubs her tummy and continues on,
"I love you and I'll miss you when you're gone"



So...I am confused and sometimes question God's reasoning. I know that it's beyond my thinking and one day I will understand but as for now I am not sure of what to think. The person who my poem is about hasn't had a miscarriage yet...but the doctors say she will...please keep her and her child in your prayers.

The False Start

I've had a couple of people ask me about the job and whether I took it or not and here is the scoop:

The lady who offered me the job got ahead of herself. She didn't tell or ask anyone about offering the job to me or about the salary that she proposed to me. She caught everyone (my 2 bosses and the two owners) by surprise. They decided that they want me to stay where I am. I am in the middle of a huge project and they want someone who is already licensed for the other job.

So, hopefully what will happen is this: I will kick ass in this project and get the $10,000 bonus my broker promised me and then I will break even with what I would have gotten from that other job and then some (counting additional bonuses).

I do wish though that she would have checked with people before offering me the job. I'm glad I didn't just accept. She hasn't really said a word to me since she offered me the job...she must have gotten reprimanded. HA.

TFTD

"Every day people crucify themselves between two thieves: one, the regret of lost opportunity; the other, the fear of what tomorrow may bring. Worry never accomplishes anything."

~Thomas D. Willhite~

50 Questions

[1] when was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
Eww, I don't remember ever doing that.

[2] when was the last time you saw one of your parents?
I saw my dad many months ago sometime before my birthday.

[3] which family member do you most resemble?
I have my mom's skin and my dad's nose...that's all I know

[4] which cologne/perfume do you wear?
none

[5] which deodorant do you wear?
Lady Speed Stick I think.

[6] do you 'clean up nice'?
I used to, dunno anymore.

[7] when was the last time you tripped and fell?
:( In Target I think........Janell couldn't stop laughing...you jerk.

[8] where was the last place you slept besides your home?
At Janell's sister's

[9] what are you listening to right now?
well playing is Mandy Moore version of Mona Lisa's & Mad Hatters...I just have all of my music play throughout the day.

[10] have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
No...my brother has though

[11] ever run out of gas on the road?
Yes...it sucked. It was after church so I had high heels on (this was about 3 yrs ago)

[12] would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
Cut grass

[13] Your name spelled backwards:
Latsyrc

[14] What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
A Greenday song

[15] Last time you swam in a pool?
At Laura's house two weekends ago

[16] Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes.

[17] How many kids do you want?
Two if possible

[18] Type of music you dislike most?
Hardcore Rock/ super heavy metal

[19] Are you registered to vote?
Yes indeedy

[20] Do you have cable?
Yes.

[21] Ever prank call anybody?
I used to all the time in middle school

[22] Best friends?
Yes I have a few

[23]Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Sky diving...if something goes wrong, I probably won't survive to feel the hurt.

[24] Do you have a garden?
no

[25] What's your favorite comic strip?
Crap I Drew on my Lunch Break @ crap.jinwicked.com

26] Bath or Shower?
Shower

[27] Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Coach Carter again I suppose

[28] Favorite pizza topping?
olives or pineapple, depending on my mood

[29] Chips or popcorn?
Depends on the chips

[30] What color lipstick do you usually wear?
I don't really wear lipstick, I wear gloss sometimes

[31] Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
umm....no?

[32] Orange Juice or apple?
Neither.

[33] Favorite type of chocolate bar?
Symphony with Toffee

[34] When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Presidential election

[35] Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Never. I don't eat tomatoes

[36] Are you a good cook?
I can be

[37] Ever order anything from an infomercial?
Janell has ordered something for us from one

[38] Sprite or 7-up?
Either, makes no difference to me.

[39] Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, when I worked at the Adventuredome...::shivers::

[40] Ever thrown up in public?
I don't think so

[41] Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
A life full of money but empty of love would be a lonley one indeed.

[42] Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope

[43] Can ex's be friends?
After time I think it's possible. It took about a year for my last ex and me to start talking again...I think it also depends on how bad the break up is

[44] Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Erin after the eizures (lol)

[45] Did you have a lot of hair as a baby?
I think so

[46] What message is on your answering machine?
"You've reached Crystal & Janell, leave a message" something to that effect

[47] What do you think about most?
I'm not sure...my mind is everywhere.

[48] favorite form of travel?
I haven't really traveled by boat or balloon yet, so I haven't experienced all forms

[49] ever drink rotten milk?
No, I usually smell the carton if it has a possiblity of going bad

[50] what do you think of the person who posted this ahead of you?
I think Laura is a great person and a great friend who is very talented in many ways!

Ch-Ched 'R' Peppers

Normally I don't go to pubs...I don't drink beer and all else is expensive. Last night was the exception though. Janell's brother-in-law, John, became grandad to James Lee Kilby at a whopping 10 lb and 2 oz. We decided to celebrate by taking him to Crown N Anchor since it's a British pub...to make him feel at home. =)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not coordinated, so it was no surprise that I didn't join Janell and John in a game of darts. Instead Erin & I tried our luck at video poker. We started with $4 each and ended with 0. I was up to $7.50 at one point but I am not very good at video poker. We left shortly after I lost Erin's money and Janell finally beat John in darts and went to get food. You never know how funny it is to hear a British man say Ched 'R' Peppers in an American accent when everyone is tired and had been drinking (me and my rootbeer.)

So anyway, Congratulations to Grandad John, Grandnan Erin, Uncle Jono and of course, the mum and dad, Annelli and Danny (who I've never met, but still they were a big part of this too!)

My Friends

In my life friends have come and gone..not by choice but because I moved so much when I was younger. I've lost touch with so many people and am sad for that but it's hard to keep in touch when I didn't pay the phone bills yet and there were no email accounts for me to have at the time.

I am grateful however, for the friends I have kept. Some are casual friends some are the best of friends...but I am happy for all of them. You guys are awesome!

Anyhow, the reason I started this post is because I am starting to really miss one of my best friends...I don't know why this is, but it just hit me today that I really miss her.

I miss you....come back to America...now!
(no my hobbit friend, I am not refering to you in this blog but I do miss you too.)

Infinite Cat Project

Hey! Check out Ash! He's now famous!

Infinite Cat Project

Explanation:

The infinite Cat Project started with a picture of a single cat. Someone took a picture of their cat looking at the picture of the cat and sent it in. Then someone took a pic of their cat looking at the pic of the cat looking at the original...and so forth. Ash is #984. I was looking at the site last night and decided to submit a pic of Ash doing it and lo and behold, there he is.

What To Do?

So, I was offered the job again by the woman I once thought as evil. She isn't as bad as she originally seemed, she just seems brash (as my current boss put it) when you first meet her.

Today is the deadline for my decision.

Here are the pros and cons:

Pro: I'd be making about $10,000 more per year
Con: No more bonuses (although I don't know that it would be equal to the salary I could be making)

Pro: Working as her assistant would actually mean she'd be out of the office more
Con: I'd probably have to be on the phone a lot more

Pro:I could probably get a real estate license compliments my company
Con: I don't even know if I want one and I am not sure of the time it takes

Pro:I'd still be in the same company that I am in now which means I could possibly transfer back if I don't like the job
Con:I don't want to move around too much and I like my bosses now.

Pro:If I would like to I can get out of the office from time to time running errands (only if I specifically ask to)
Con:Well...my A/C sucks in my car now, but I guess I could fix with the the extra $ lol

I think that I might want to try this new job but it's just a bit scary going into the unknown...I feel bad for leaving my current bosses because they've been great to me. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens.

Man...

Let me just say that I think that the day after the 4th should be our off day as well. Everybody is out late on the 4th...don't they know that?

Oh well, I get a 4 day work week so that's nice...the down side is that I to squeeze in payroll and choir practice today. That means that I don't get to go home until around 9...BOO!

Speaking of choir, that reminds me of something. Note to former choir directors: I think that a certain ex-member (Mariah Carey) lied to you about going off to college in CA. Not only did I see her last night (which could be understandable) but I've seen her on at least 5 separate (non-college break) occasions. Why would she feel that she had to make up such an elaborate lie? Geez, doesn't she know she could have just said she was going to take a break?

So, anyhow, I hope everyone had a great weekend!
Thank you to my friends for making it a good weekend for me too, even if we were sweating in that storage unit and at Desert Breeze. Thanks for the mudslides...that was yummy. Enjoy your futon! Thanks to Jan for putting up with my whining. I promise I'll call the doctor. And a special shoutout to 'team yellow': "Aha" is that lyric (I think) that we were wondering about which isn't quite as exciting "whaaaa haaaaooo" ;)

The Room

So there are forwards that people send you in your email and you chuckle or say "aww" and delete. For some reason there is one that I always remember and I have decided to post it. Enjoy! (HAHA you don't have the power to delete it afterward)

The Room

By Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and right to left as far as the eye could see, had very different headings.

As I walked up to the wall of files,the first to catch my attention was one that read, "People I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then, without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my entire life. The actions of my every moment, big and small, were written in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, mixed with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed". The titles ranged from common, everyday things to the not-so-common-"Books I Have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At". Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I Have Yelled At My Brothers and Sisters." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I had hoped.

The sheer volume of the life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had time in my number of years to write each of these thousands or millions of cards? But each card confirmed the truth. Each card was written in my own handwriting. Each card was signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented. When I came to the file marked "Lustful Thoughts"; I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.

A feeling of humiliation and anger ran through my body. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

That was when I saw it. The file bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With". The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than 3 inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

Then as I looked up through my tears, I saw Him enter the room. No, please not Him. Not here. Anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. The few times I looked at His face I saw such sadness that it tore at my heart. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did he have to read every one?

Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file, and, one by one began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no", as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written in blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on the door. There were still cards to be written.

Fo Shizzle

So I know what you all have wanted to see from my site and I've decided to give it to you. For your viewing/reading pleasure, I have translated my site into Ebonics for you (or do I actually write it in that format and then translate it into a way you can understand?? You'll never know!)

Translated Site